Dealing with hair loss.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. Audrey Hepburn For those of you who know me, know I love my hair. I am hairdresser. The last few weeks of walking around with a shaved head has been an experience. My doctor told me my hair would fall out, most likely between the second and third treatment. I prepared by gettting wigs (thank you Leeann) and letting the girls shave my head! Secretly, deep down, I hoped I would be a rare case that got to keep my hair. I know hair doesn't make a person who they are. But for me it makes me feel girly, it makes me feel pretty. This morning, reality set in. I rubbed my head. As I pulled my hand down, I looked at my palm. There, sitting in my palm was my hair. Not much. Just maybe eight to ten strands. So it begins. My venture into being bald.

Chemo Round 2 Day 2.

Yesterday I had my second round of chemotherapy. I am halfway through my first two chemo medicines! These two medicines are the hardest. I am down and out for about a week. The first dose was harder than the second dose. I am more alert this time around, although I tire easily. It is exhausting to walk to the bathroom and back! I go for my shot today. It is a shot to boost my white blood cell count. Basically, it is manufactured bone marrow. The shot itself isn't too bad. It is after I get the shot that is so painful. I feel as though everything is bruised. The hardest part of this is watching my kids suffer. They are too young to understand any of this. It broke my heart when Misty went a day without eating because she was so upset. It breaks my heart when Nellie starts crying because she wants me better so we can go the park again. I don't fully understand why I had to get sick but I am sure one day it will all make sense. All I can do for now is to wrap my arms around my precious girls, hold them and pray with them. I thank God daily that Sadie and Willow are too young to understand. They are okay with sitting on the couch or in bed with me to snuggle. I pray this is something none of my girls go through, or any sickness like this. It is my prayer that they don't remember any of this.

"Life's a climb, but the view is great" Miley Cyrus "Hannah Montana the movie"

I decided to write this blog as a way to release the anger I had felt when diagnosed and to just let loose. Writing is something I enjoy. On July 17th, my whole world came crashing down. My dermatologist told me I had cancer. I looked at my sweet,innocent girls and felt as though I had failed them. As I left the doctor's office, I did my best to keep a "strong face" for them. I felt as though I had failed because it is my job to protect them. To protect them from the truths of this cold, harsh world and I had failed. Or so I thought. So, please hold the phone, I am not depressed. Once I let the news sink in that I had not 1, not 2, but 3 types of breast cancer, I realized a few things. I realized life is worth living! Don't live life for others - live life for you! I realized that I was given this opportunity. Maybe one day I can help someone else deal with cancer. I can teach my girls that beauty isn't the clothes we wear, or the makeup on our face, or the hair on our head (which is bald right now). Beauty is how we treat people. Beauty is the way we react to things. Beauty is the way we handle life's trials. Ephesians 2:10 "For we are His handiwork, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works, Which God prepared in advance for us to do." God allowed this sickness to happen to me. I may not fully understand for now. But I do know He is in control. I owe Dr. Weiner, his team of other doctors, and his staff everything. They caught my cancer in time. I am so thankful for the aggressive stance they took in finding my sickness and the treatment that followed. So please remember, as Miley Cyrus stated, "Life's a climb, but the view is great." Enjoy every minute of life the ups the downs, the good, the bad. It means you are alive! *Fight like a girl*