Hurricane Sandy

Today is a great day! I am feeling much better after chemo, although I still get tired easily. But that isn't what makes today so great. While others sit and fret over the storm (hurricane sandy) I am doing a dance! No, not because I love storms, because I don't. But because I get to spend a day with my girls! My dear friend takes my children to her house on the weekends I have chemo. This way I can rest and the girls won't remember me on chemo. By the time they come home I feel better but still need a nap. So, today is great because I feel pretty good and I get to hang with my girlies. To all my mom friends out there, don't think of this storm as though you are "stuck" at home with your kids. Find the silver lining. You have been given a whole day to relax, do crafts, hold your child, without having to rush anywhere. Take this storm as a gift. A gift to treasure your little one(s). One day, you will look at your baby, and want to spend a few precious moments with them, only they may be all grown up by then. Seize the day. Cherish your children. And enjoy Hurricane Sandy. “Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold.” - Maurice Setterr

childlike

I try my best not complain about what I am going through. Especially when I see stories on facebook about children going through chemotherapy, or I read about bringing home the browns (heart wrenching story to follow). But yesterday was somewhat tramatic. I hate needles as it is. I am learning how to tolerate them though. I know what you are thinking, after four children I should be used to them by now. But I am not. I still ask for the smallest needle. My nurse dawn has been so wonderful. Yesterday, I had a new nurse. Dawn was on another floor training and my nurse yesterday was having a "refresher" in administering chemo. Let me start off by saying she was super sweet. But being someone afraid of needles, I of course got the nurse who poked me not once but, but twice. Then had to have the head nurse come over to readjust the needle (by twisting the needle) because there was no blood return, so it wasn't in correctly. My nurse also dressed the needle with tegaderm, which is something that is done after the needle is properly working. So, yes, I had to have that ripped off while it was attached to my line. Today I go for my shot that will boost my white blood count. It is very painful because it is basically manufactured bone marrow. So even a hug hurts. I may be 28 years old but I feel very childlike today. I would give anything to go home and have my parents hold me. Just like when I was a small child. I try my best not to complain. Things could be worse. But...I am only human. Here is a link to what kind of port I have and the the type of needles that are used, if you are interested. If it doesn't work, you may have to copy and paste. http://www.norcalvascular.com/expertise/pid:305/id:453/ And as always thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you for your support and continued prayers.

Chemo day!

I always get anxious the night before chemo. I worry that my numbers will be to low and I won't be able to have chemo. I worry about my children. Are they feeling neglected because i am unable to care for them and hug them? I worry about the medicine that I get, the side effects. As long as my numbers are ok,I will be receiving my last dose of the cytoxan and adriamycin! These two medicines really knock me off my feet for at least a week. But hey, by God's grace I have made it through these first two medicines. As long as everything goes well today, I will be starting my next two medicines,, taxol and herceptin, in a few weeks! Wish me luck today and of course please pray!

Give Thanks

Growing up, my mom used to sing a song that I loved, "Give Thanks wth a Grateful Heart". The words are simple. GIVE THANKS WITH A GRATEFUL HEART GIVE THANKS TO THE HOLY ONE GIVE THANKS FOR HE'S GIVEN JESUS CHRIST, HIS SON (X2) AND NOW LET THE WEAK SAY I AM STRONG LET THE POOR SAY I AM RICH BECAUSE OF WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE FOR US (X2) GIVE THANKS... We may not be able to understand why God allows trials and tribulations. But if we stop and think about the wonderful things He has done for us, it might make it easier to accept these trials or tribulations. Today, I am thankful that God blessed me with four beautiful girls. Who knows if I had waited to have children if I would have been so blessed. I also am thankful for the outpour of love and support that people have shown to me and my family. I am so thankul for people opening their home to us while ours is being remodeled. For people giving up their time not only to tke cre of me nd my children but to also help get our home bck in order so we have a safe place. For people wanting to help us financially with fundraisers and donations. Yesterday, Robin, my nurse navigator, called to ask me a question. A fellow survivor, who rode the pink fire truck with me, asked if I would be okay with the idea of her and her company helping us with Christmas! What a relief to know that I don't need to stress about how I am going to get Christmas shopping done for my kids. I do not say it enough but I thank you all for everything you have done or do for us. My challenge to you today is this, as you go about your day take a second to "Give Thanks".

Prayers

It is funny how different each chemo treatment can make you feel. This time around I have felt very sick. My stomach has been very upset. I have a new side effect, acid reflux, from the medicine. I am not able to stomach much. I do not mean to sound as though I am complaining. I am a strong believer in prayer. I also believe that when we pray, if we are able, we should be more specific in our prayers. So, if you happen to read this, could I ask you for your prayers. Please pray for strength, for the acid reflux to calm down, for my stomach to settle, and my appetite to return. Also, my dear friend, Allison is not feeling well. Of you could pray for her as well. April,another dear friend of mine, is helping take care of me while Allison is not well. I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.

Thankful

Yesterday, I had my third chemo treatment. I have one more of these two medicines and then I move on to my other two medicines. Yay! While I was sitting there talking to a chaplain, a gentleman walked up. The chaplain knew the man well from the local YMCA. The gentleman, who walked up, recognized me! I couldn't remember his name, but I did recognize him. The last time I saw him, I was reviving my first treatment and he was finishing his last! We talked for a little bit before my medicine took hold of me and made me sleep. Before falling asleep he told me of his daughter who had been diagnosed with cancer, due to the chemo fog I can not remember her name or the cancer she was diagnosed with. Yesterday, I asked the gentleman how his daughter was fairing? He looked up at me with tear filled eyes and a small smile on his face "she went home to be with our Heavenly Father." I fought back the tears. This lady wasn't much older than me, frlm what i could recall. This gentleman is such a wonderful example of how we should live. Tragedy struck him and instead of being bitter he gave thanks (in everything give thanks, for this is the will of Christ Jesus concerning you I Thessalonians 5:18). Before leaving the kind man turned to me and said with a smile on his face " You got this girl. Keep fighting. You got this." So, today, I would like to give a huge shout out to my dear friend, Allison Roberts. She has allowed my family of four small girs, plus myself, to move in with her. We have been here for the past six weeks. Thank you, Allison, for being my rock. Thank you for allowing my young children to turn your world upside down. It takes a special person to open their home for small children when they are not used to having any children around. You truly are a blessing and I am so thankful to have you in my life. Those blessings are sweetest that are won with prayer and worn with thanks.” ― Thomas Goodwin

Pretty in Pink

Today was an exciting day! I rode in a pink fire truck with 4 other survivors! It was so wonderful to see my group of supporters cheer me on. I was all ready to give my speech. But then I looked over at my girls holding a sign that said "I wear pink for my Mom." I had no idea that they were going to have a sign. I tried not to choke while giving my speech but all I could picture was my cheerleaders standing there cheering me on. Thank you to all of you who helped me perfect my speech and those of you who showed up to show your support. I am truly blessed to have all of you in my life. I tried to upload the video of my speech but I can not figure out how to. So here it is for all to read. I am 28 years old and I believe I am one of the few people that can say I am living my dream. My whole life, it was my dream to grow up, be a mom, and to claim the illusionary title "Best Mommy in the world". Today, I am the proud mother of four beautiful girls and I like to think I am pretty good at it. But my dreams suffered a hiccup. You see nowhere in my dreams did ever wish to grow up and battle cancer. That was a surprise I could have done without, but somehow, it is happening. My dreams tuned upside down when I heard those scary words "You have cancer". I don't think anything can prepare you to hear those words. I looked at my four precious girls sitting by my side. I had to fight the urge to scream, to lose control. I had to be strong for them. I had to be strong for myself. On July 17th, I was diagnosed with Paget's Disease of the Breast. Dr. Weiner ran several more tests, including one that revealed Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. On August 9th, Willow's 11 month birthday, I had a double Mastectomy that revealed a third cancer Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, which did not show up on any imaging system. I can not stress the importance of getting yourself check. I never thought in a million years I could get sick like this. But I did. The strongest advocate for yourself is YOU. If you don't fight for your health, then who will? Luckily though, we don't have to fight alone. I have been blessed with the outpouring support I have received from my family, my friends, and my medical team. They have supported me with day-to-day needs. They have supported me physically, emotionally and spiritually. And what has been a huge blessing for me is that they have supported me in keeping my dream alive. I am still a mom and I am able to still enjoy life with my four beautiful girls. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all. I don't know why God chose me to walk this journey, but He has. i have learned that it is ok to be angry. But what good is it wasting my energy on anger? I need strength to fight and fight I will. I would like to end with a bible verse. 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 "Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." If I could ask this crowd one thing, it would be to pray, no matter your beliefs. Please pray for me, my family, and all those who are fighting cancer. I have four girls and a dream to live. And I am thankful for that. Yet, they both need a little help. Say your prayers and I will keep fighting.....fighting like a girl.