Happy New Year!

One would think that the virus I had Friday into Saturday or the Chemo I had Thursday would have dampened my spirits. But, I am happy to say, it has not! Yes, I may have a sore arm that is currently enflamed from the chemo and needing benedryl, a warm compress and anti-itching cream. Yes, my body is aching from dancing my tush off with the girls. And yes, I am going to need lots and lots of coffee in the morning. But all these things remind me that I am still alive and breathing. I am still able to enjoy watching my girls dance around the living room, without a care in the world. I can teach a 3 year old to play Chutes and Ladders or an almost 11 year old how to put on eye shadow in a really funky way! I can still rock my sweet 15 month old to sleep. I can watch my 5 and now 7 year old giggle as they play with their American girl dolls! I am alive and breathing thanks to my doctors who were so aggressive in finding my cancer, as well as taking an aggressive stance towards my chemo. We have less than ten minutes until the New Year. We are all camped out in the living room watching the last few minutes of Dick Clarks Rockin' New Years Eve. Waiting anxiously, for the ball to drop so we can run outside and bang some pots together. I would like to thank all my friends who have been so helpful to me and my family. You have all given up a lot of time to help me take care of not only myself but my girls. Thank you for helping me keep my house clean or doing my laundry! Thank you for taking my girls overnight so I could get some rest! I can never repay the kindness that has been shown to me. I also want to thank my family. Mom, thanks so much for taking time to come up here and care for me and the girls while I recovered from my surgery. It was such a wonderful time for the girls to see you! They miss you! Thanks to Dad for holding down the fort so Mom could come here. Aunt Pam, thank you for being a chauffer/babysitter/caregiver to me. I really appreciate it. I am sorry we got you sick for New Years. Hope you feel better. Thank you to all the people who brought us food and wrapped your arms around this family in kindness. Virginia folks, I need a cook book with all your fantastic recipes! To the wonderful ladies who adopted us for Christmas. You truly made this the best Christmas EVER!!! (Ask Sadie, she will tell you!) If I have not named you or thanked you it is not because I don't care or appreciate you. I do. I have a hard time remembering everything! I love each and every one of you! I am so grateful to all of you who have helped me by either letting me live with you, or by leaving your families to come take care of me! Without all of you, I would not be so strong. I wish everyone a happy, healthy and safe New Year. Let's make this year count! Live life to the fullest! Happy New Year and God Bless!

Brighten someones day.

Well, today was a challlenging day. I could only receive half of my chemo. My body was rejecting it. Good thing is I was able to receive half, so no need to go back. I am all done with my Taxol!!!!!! Can I get a woot! Woot! On my hard chemo days I get steroids to counteract all the pain Taxol causes. The Taxol makes it very hard to walk. The first few night, after chemo, I have a hard time sleeping. I do take medicine to help me sleep but that takes a while to kick in. So, instead of fighting to try and sleep I started using that time to pray. And let's face it, with four small girls night time is my only quiet time. I pray not only for myself but also for my girls, as well as friends who are sick or hospitalized. If you follow me on fb, you see a little girl I follow, who is my Misty's age. She will be starting her journey in chemo soon. She has already had brain surgery. She just finished her radiation. This little girl needs your prayers. As she needs her appetite back, so she can gain back weight. I also follow Bringing home the Browns. A sweet couple who prayed for seven years for a baby. God finally answered their prayers. At 34 weeks Heather had her son while husband wean was overseas. She slipped into coma. It has been amazing to watch their journey as she slowly climbs out od this state. Tonight my heart has been heavy, as a pray for a dear lady. She has had a rough year. Right now she is battling for her life yet again. This lady has a smile that will light up the room. I know it was very comforting to see her happy face the first time I sat in the blood chair to have my blood drawn. There she was, across from me, smiling away. It was infectious. Soon I was smiling with her. She has a wonderful family. Please pray for her. Pray for doctors to have the wisdom to help her. When you think you have it bad, look around you and see who you can pray for. It doesn't need to be a long flowery prayer. It can be short and simple. I guarantee it will help you feel just a little bit better.

My Ruthie

My sister, Ruthie, and I share something in common. We both love to write (she being a grammar nazi is far better than I). When we are feeling happy or sad, angry or frustrated, writing seems to help us portray our feelings. One of the many reasons I love her is her positive spirit. Anyone who knows Ruthie, knows she was born a fighter. When I am having a rough day, as I did last Thursday, I think to myself, "this isn't so bad. Think of Ruthie." Ruthie has had more surgeries than I can count. Her head has been shaved several times (and normally it is only half her head that is shaved). We share the same fear of needles and she has been poked by hundreds of needles. Yet, she still has a happy attitude. Nothing gets her down for too long. Ruthie, is only 18 hears old, and has faced many obsticles in her life. She is a true image of strength and courage. She is my hero. She is my inspiration. Here is a piece that she wrote. I had to share it (of course, with her permission) . Enjoy. I am a music box...... by Ruthie Billie Gayle Chaney. Earlier today, I was cleaning my room. I had been wrapping presents in my room for the last few days, and I had created such a mess. Tubes of wrapping paper took up an entire side of my room, a trash can with price tags and other plastic wrappings sat overflowing in the corner, and I had yet to finish unpacking all my stuff from my first semester of college as well. On my dresser, I had all kinds of things strewn all over - my Norton Anthology of Drama books; cards and other mail I had received during my time living on campus that I had brought home to put in The Box; and a music box in the formation of a blue-winged, blonde-haired fairy in a pink dress holding an orb in her left hand as a streak of rainbow ran from her hand to the base of the cloud she stood on, with the words "Expect a Miracle" running across the base. In the process of picking up tubes of wrapping paper, I, being naturally clumsy, didn't pay attention to the way I carried the tubes and I knocked a few things off the dresser onto my floor. When I came back from putting the wrapping paper away, I started to pick up the objects and return them to their location on the dresser. I picked up the fairy, and right away I did a double take because I felt it scratch my hand as I picked it up; I had never had that kind of feeling by the music box in any way before... I looked at the music box and noticed one of the wings was missing. My heart stopped for what seemed like an eternity, and I felt like I would pass out. My most prized possession had fallen apart. It had broken. After ten years of constantly being handled, of being moved from place to place, just one clumsy move on my part had caused the music box to finally shatter. Not to worry - after I spent several hours crying pathetically, the fairy was repaired with superglue and I was smiling again. In that seeming eternity my heart stopped, I realized something important. Having dealt with so many different and often unrelated struggles through recent years, I realize I'm just like that music box. When I was born, I was brand new and special to my parents and family, as well as many other people. I meant something to each person who knew me. Even today, one of my motivations is that I've crossed paths with so many people that I've come to mean so much to and who in turn also mean the world to me. That music box came into my possession the day I first really heard. I remember the excitement I felt as I ran my hands all over it and turned it over and over in my hands as the music played. I realized that the music box meant something to me. It was brand new. It was special. It was BEAUTIFUL. What it stood for, no one would ever be able to even fathom. The music box, before long, was a huge part of me. Wherever we moved, whatever room I stayed in, whatever space I owned, the music box always had a spot where it would be proudly displayed. I am just like that music box. I am one of God's music boxes. I'm here for a reason; I mean something in this world, but to so many people. He's put me in everyone's lives for a reason, just like my parents brought the music box into mine. Just like a music box, I sing a song - by living the way I live. I can go for a long time with my struggles, but every once in a while something will break me. Just like fate had me knock my music box off the dresser and cracked it, some things occasionally cause me to crack. Just like the music box was repaired, with God's help I have been able to pick myself back up again.

the sounds of a child praying is like a sweet melody being played.

As I sat listening to my sweet babies say their bedtime prayers, I could not help but question God, almost arguring with Him. I never planned on having cancer and here are my girls praying "God, make my mommy all better". Of course, it is my daily prayer as well. For who can ever do the "job" of a mother, better than a mother? Who will give them special hugs and kisses as they are tucked in at night? Who will kiss away their pain, the way only a mother can? Who will ensure my children have a relationship with my family in Arkansas? It is nights like these that I allow my mind to run away with me. Yes, I am almost done with my hard chemo. And, yes, I have handled it well. But ......you never know what tomorrow brings. You only know who holds tomorrow. God has a plan for each and every one of us, young and old, big and small. But, sometimes I have a hard time accepting His plan, just as some of you do as well. Whether you believe in God as I do, or "some higher being". I feel it is safe to say that majority of us believe that everything happens for a reason. When I started my journey, I was told I would have ups and downs. I was told to take each day step by step. I was told there are good days but there are bad days. Please, before you jump to conclusions, do not think I have given up. Because I have not. Nor am I depressed. This is just part of my journey, as some of you who have had cancer could vouch. I created my blog as a way for people to see "the ups and downs". A way for people to follow along with me while I travel this road. While today was a great day, starting with music Sunday at church to helping the girls make chocolate covered pretzels. It is the moments that are quick, fleeting and oh, so precious that can send ones mind racing.

Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life - Sophocles

Today, as I watched my oldest at her play "The Nutcracker", I was again reminded how precious life really is. I was also reminded why it is I am fighting this horrible disease. I am fighting for my four babies. I may not be disgustingly wealthy but I feel wealthier than those with diamonds and gold. I have something they may never experience......an undying love between a mother and her children. Watching my baby girl's smile and seeing her run up to me any time she wanted to today to give me a hug gave me such a swelling sense of joy! There truly is nothing more enjoyable in this world than having your children hug you. As a child, I can remember thinking my mom had super powers! She always had energy. She always did so many fun amd cool things. Yes, I have the coolest mom! As I got older, I found myself not wanting to stay in my mothers loving embrace. I wanted to run out the door! As my children are growing, I find myself holding them much longer when I hug them. I find myself looking at how beautiful they are becoming. I find myself wishing that I could freeze time. I am reminded each day of what anchors me to life. The little arms around my neck, the sassy remarks from their mouths, the sound of a 15 month old saying "muah", hearing the words "mommy will you hold me?" and listening to the little whispers that come from their room when they are to be sleeping. All these things remind me of how important life is. I feel people have not lived until they feel the love of a child. For nothing is more precious.

most wonderful.time of the year!

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed with gratitude? These past few months I have thought on more than one occasion that I have been so blessed! I have told you how my friends have opened their home to me as well as taken me to chemo appointments. And I ha e told you of my family filling my freezers! Bit, this week has been one to remember! This past week has been full of people being so kind to me. Saturday, my sister-in-law and Kevin had a fundraiser for me. Not only did they have a fundraiser, but they also organized for an escort to the event! Centre square fire department let me sign the pink fire truck! They also presented me with a very nice donation. The night was so memorable! Normally, we have real tree for christmas. But this year I did not want to hassle with the needles. I decided we would have an artificial tree. Monday, I got a Christmas tree! Aunt Pam took me to a store that had the most beautiful trees! Sadie and I got to pick our favorite one! It is so beautiful! Of course, there is nothing quite like a real tree. But this tree comes close. Our tree is so full, unlike other trees you can see the post, AND, with the click of a button, the lights can either be colorful or white! To top of this wonderful feeling, The Body Serene Day Spa adopted us for Christmas! Tuesday I picked up all the gifts that these amazing people bought my girls. I am so grateful that my girls will not feel let down because of my sickness. Yes, they do know that Christmas is Jesus ' birthday. But they also believe in Santa. Christmas is a magical time of year. So, as I lay here, wide awake, thank you coffee, I can not help but enjoy this feeling! I am soaking up these magical moments. I hope one day I have the same opportunity to help someone else. I hope I am able to ease a burden for them. Whether that is cooking, cleaning or helping with a holiday or special event. I hope to pass on this feeling of being overwhelmed with gratitude!