The Beginning of the End. WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

Today was a day that I thought would never come. But here it is. How many people do you know that are completely thrilled to go to chemo? Well, you now know one! ;) I was practically skipping in today. Yes, this girl, who is petrified of needles, cheerfully sat down to get poked by what I like to call "the hook".  

Today doesn't mark the end of my cancer journey, but it does mark the end of my chemo. I still have a PET scan and small surgeries to go. But after all I have been through, I know I can do anything. After all, I have the best cheerleader on my side, Jesus Christ. It is only through the grace of God that I have made it. 

People say "Everything happens for a reason". I firmly believe this. Cancer was not only my sickness, it was my saving grace. It brought me back to God. Cancer also brought so many amazing people into my life. People who I would depend on to keep me, and my children, healthy. I have been truly blessed by the outpour of support from old friends to new friends and most importantly my family.  Cancer also helped me see that negative people are not meant to consume so much of  your life. I have had to pull away from some relationships.  I have pulled away from those who told me "It's just cancer. Lots of people go through it. You're not the only one. Get over Chemo". All this was poisonous. I realized that sometime - no matter how much you love some people or care for them - sometimes, it is okay to put your needs over theirs. Sometimes, you have to walk away. 

 I have heard so many times "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". No verse in the Bible says this. I've looked. I think the verse that is most often misquoted is 1 Corinthians 10:13 (American Standard Version) “There hath  no temptation taken you but such as man can bear; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation make also the way of escape, that ye may be able to endure it”.

So, you see, God will give us more than we can handle. He won’t tempt us above what we are able.   He wants us at our weakest point, so the only place we have to turn to is Him. Look at Job.  He was wealthy, had a family, was favored in the eyes of God. One day he lost everything, his family, his cattle, his fortune. But, in the midst of his storm, he still gave God glory. Who does that? Another example, Paul. Three times Paul pleaded with God to take his "thorn" away from him. God answered Paul with "My grace is sufficient for you".

Has anyone ever teased you or verbally hurt you to the point you are crying? To the point you are begging, no pleading with them to stop? I have been there. I imagine Paul felt very alone. Like God had turned His back on him. But you see Paul wasn't fully submitting to God.

Last January, I became very ill. I ended up in the ER. My numbers were low, but the doctor felt my staying in a hospital would hurt me more than help. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I became very weak. I felt like a failure and that God didn't care. He had forgotten about me. My prayers had turned from "please, heal me" to "Lord, just take me home". I begged God to take me to heaven. This battle was too hard. I didn't see how I could go on. But, that was my problem. I was trying to carry on. Alone, I am nothing. But with God I am strong.

God was trying to get my attention. I wasn't listening. I had fallen way, way.............way off the path. But what I have learned is this: only God can turn your "mess" into a "message". God wants us at our weakest, so that we depend on him fully. Some of us - like myself - are more bullheaded and take a little longer to understand what God wants. But when you do, when you finally let go and let God. When you reach that point of trusting him fully, you feel joy.

I want to take a moment to thank all those who have supported me.Thank you to all who prayed, wrote me cards, sent me small gifts, called just to check on me, held fundraisers for me,sent me messages on facebook to see what the latest was or let me vent. To those who helped renovate our home and helped clean my home, I thank you. 

 A special thank you to my parents, who took the girls and I in for most of my cancer treatments. Thank you to my siblings for giving up some of their space so that me and my girls could feel at home. A huge thank you to Allison, April, Mack, LeeAnn and Bobbie. You all cared for me and my children. You helped give hope to my children while they were scared. You bathed them, fed them and let them know it was okay to be afraid.You held my children while they cried because "mommy was sick". You reassured them that I was going to be okay. You were there for them.  You all started as friends, but now are more like sisters to me. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life. Ally and April, thank you for driving me and the girls to Arkansas. For anyone who has never been in a car with four small children,just picture a small circus confined to an SUV. This was a  huge blessing. 

A special thank  you to my Chemo Angels for making me feel so special. Your timing was always perfect.

 Thank you to the members at Mount Pleasant for making me a part of their family. Y'all have been so wonderful to me and my family.  I, no me and my family, have been so blessed by all the love felt from so many people.